Toodle-oo Grandma June

Tomorrow will mark 2 weeks ago that I lost my sweet Grandma June.  My heart is broken, but I am so happy for her that she is in a better place. 

She lived a great long life and I got to spend so many happy years with her.  Many of my fondest memories are of trips to Idaho, Christmas Eves of my youth, and Sunday dinner.  I cannot even begin to count the number of Sunday afternoons I have spent crashed out on Grandma's couch. 

Her house was so warm and cozy and always smelled like a freshly cooked roast.  I will never eat a roast and potatoes without thinking of all of the happy meals and fun conversations I had at her kitchen table. 

My kids have spent most of the Sunday afternoons of their short lives napping in the same chairs and same beds that I grew up napping in.  They have jingled the same crystals on her lamps, picked the same roses out of her yard, and made memories in the same joyful place of my youth. 

Emersyn always tried to "help" grandma.  She would "help" her walk with her walker..."help" her get back into her chair...and "help" her eat the snacks out of her snack bowl.  Emersyn has the sweetest little spirit in the world and EVERY time we get into the car she says "Mommy I am really really sorry that your Grandma June died."  It breaks my heart that she can tell how sad I am and wants to make me feel better.

Grandma June had lost her sight already by the time Ethan came into her life and so she never got to see his cute little face.  She was always super bothered by that and wanted to feel his head, hair, and face to see how he had grown.  He was always a super good sport and would let her feel his head and check out his incision to see how he was healing.  He was so sweet with her and would crawl up on the couch and sit by or lay by her.  He called her MAHMA.  Even in her last days and hours Ethan crawled up on her bed and patted her hair and cheek.  I am so glad that she is able to see his sweet face now. 

On Grandma's last night on this earth she got to have a "sleepover" with many of her grandkids and great grandkids.  We all wanted so much to be around her share our love with her.  We pretty much held an all night vigil around Grandma's bed.  We shared stories and memories...We laughed and we cried.  We even ate tacos.  Grandma would have loved to see us all together...she gave us that last gift of family togetherness.  I spent that night on the floor next to Grandma's bed expecting to be awoken at any moment with bad news.  But of course I should have known that Grandma would not give up that easily...she was a fighter until the end. 

The next morning surrounded by her kids, grandkids, and great grandkids Grandma June's soul returned to our Heavenly Father and my Sweet Grandpa Max.  My first reaction was Joy...joy that she did not have to suffer any more here on earth.  Emersyn's first words were "Oh good Grandma...You get to see again now that you are in Heaven."  My sweet girl was right...Grandma gets to see, and sew, and be with her brothers and sisters again.  Only the small selfish part of me still wants her here with me in her warm gingerbread house. 

I got to make a video for Grandma's funeral filled with old pictures and TONS of memories.  I am so glad for the opportunity to see Grandma in her youth and get to know her again in a new way.  My favorite picture is this one of her during the war.  I LOVE that she is wearing pants...what a rebel.  I also love how she was sitting...with her legs crossed.  It just seems so UN-grandma.  I love to think of her as a fiery youth...I know that I have a LOT of her in me and I am so Glad.  I miss her like crazy and ALWAYS will, but I am glad to have so many fond memories to look back on.

I wrote a letter to Grandma to read at her service.  It was my small tribute to her and how much I love her.  Although words cannot express how much she meant to me, I know that SHE knows how I felt and how much she will be missed. 

Dear Grandma June Bug—

 You have been my grandma, my personal cook book, my phone buddy, my therapist, and one of my best friends.  Although I will miss your sweet spirit in my life EVERY single day, I am overjoyed that you are now reunited with your family, friends, and most importantly your little cutie pie—Grandpa Max.  I KNOW that you had a testimony of God’s plan for us and that his plan is a plan of happiness, even in death.  Thank you for sharing that testimony with me and my family.  You have passed an amazing legacy down to me and to all of your children and grandchildren…a legacy of love and the importance of family.  You have loved all of us inside and out…through thick and thin.  You loved us when we were good…you loved us when we were NOT good.  You loved us through our successes…and you have loved us despite our many failures.  Your love was unconditional, all encompassing, and never ending.  BUT your love is also eternal and I can feel it around me still.  My sweet Grandma…I cannot imagine Sunday afternoons without you, BUT I just have to remind myself that you are a whole healthy grandma again.  That you can now see the beauty of your grandchildren’s faces and walk unattended with your head held high. I imagine you are up there keeping busy already…cooking roast, making a quilt, or sewing some headgear.  I am sure you have already whipped up some throw pillows and changed the wall paper.  I am proud to be your granddaughter and I am thankful that I was privileged to spend 32 years with you in my life.  You have truly made me a better person.  I love you to the moon and back!!  I love you for eternity!!  Toodle-oo Grandma June